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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559070">listen to this song (and you will have a happy dream)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbug82/pseuds/buzzbug82'>buzzbug82</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Romance, kind of???, sorry this took a month but blame junmyeon and self-portrait, this one is really hard to write but please enjoy, writer's rant finish, you can think of this as AU by the way</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:21:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbug82/pseuds/buzzbug82</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was something about being this comfortable and intimate with another person in a dark room with only the light from the television; everything looked soft and dreamlike— Junmyeon didn't brush his hair after the shower so it's sticking all over the place, but he looked soft in his grey, worn-out t-shirt, and at the moment Junmyeon was wholly his— and Sehun’s heart fluttered indefinitely.</p><p> </p><p>In all the ways Sehun loves Junmyeon, their late night conversations are the most precious ones. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>[inspired by Vogue Korea - Sept2018 Sehun interview] </p><p>[Title from 'For You Now' by SUHO ft. Younha]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>170</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>listen to this song (and you will have a happy dream)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>Is it so hard to tell each other your feelings? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When we're together, you are the only world</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You wrote this?”</p><p> </p><p>Sehun nodded, swirling in his chair while Gaeko and Chanyeol bent over the book he gave them, eyebrows furrowed as they both concentrated on the words. In a way, Sehun wondered why they looked surprised— or should he say— amused? </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Only on Gaeko-hyung's part though. Chanyeol just looked like he found a new toy. He was trying hard not to smile. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I thought you guys wanted some ideas for new lyrics?" Sehun said. That's the only reason he brought his notebook. Yes, he still had the notebook where he poured his heart out whenever he felt overwhelmed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It's just that— these lyrics are much more hopeful than the ones before,” Gaeko grinned, pulling on his cap while handing the book to Chanyeol who had been silent since he started reading. “I think Chanyeol also agrees with me. Can I expect any good news soon?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Good news, huh? It's not like Sehun was a secretive person. It was never a secret anyway, people just had to look, and they would understand. "It's just some lyrics I came up with while watching a movie," he grinned. No, he didn’t lie. Well, half lying though; his inspiration did not come from a movie. But more of his experience while watching a movie. That counts, right?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, come on. Tell me, did you confess to that person? Are you two together now?" Gaeko leaned forward, expecting a name. Then he elbowed Chanyeol. "You must know about this, tell me."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chanyeol briefly looked up and met Sehun’s eyes. Sehun looked back at him, calm and expressionless. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Clearing his throat, Chanyeol quickly changed the subject. “I never really care about these guys dating life anyway. So, we’ll arrange the whole composition with this, right? I think it suits the music and the mood. We need to make a few adjustments to fit some words. Come on hyung, give me some of your ideas." The energetic man grabbed a headphone and turned to the digital audio workstation. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You’re no fun,” Gaeko rolled his eyes, but he quickly grabbed his own headphone as well. "Well, time for work. Come here, Sehun-ah."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun smiled and reached to pat Gaeko’s shoulder as they discussed the audio mix.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was a quiet night, not many people were out and about as much as before, given the current circumstances— though people were still trying their hardest to live normal lives. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun walked along the sidewalk illuminated by the streetlights, with a pair of white earphones in his ears. The music didn’t distract him from his thought as he buried his cold hands into his warm, fluffy jacket. When he reached his destination, he pushed the door open and his eyes scanned around the small restaurant.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Sehun-ah.” The owner greeted him from behind the counter, cheerfully smiled at him. “Want to have your usual table?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hi, hyung.” Sehun sat on the stool in front of the counter, carefully adjusting his face mask. He was a regular at the restaurant; heck— the whole members were regulars. They often held private gatherings there and gradually became close to the owner. “It’s fine. I’m getting takeaway,” He pointed at the menu and listed down his order. “For two people."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The owner nodded and sent the orders to his employee at the kitchen, before coming back to accompany him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“How is the business?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“As usual, not many people come to dine-in since then, but the delivery service is in more demand now.” The owner wiped his sweat with the back of his hand. It’s warm in the restaurant even though it’s almost ten degrees outside. “How are you, by the way?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun poured a glass of water for himself from the nearby pitcher; and started talking about how he just came back from Chanyeol's studio and they were working on another album and how he got a vocal lesson the day after— and the owner complimented him on his hard work. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Here you go," the owner handed him a big bag of takeaway. "Send my regards to Chanyeollie, yeah?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I'll text him that later, I'm going straight home after this."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The owner nodded. "Oh, I thought you're going back to the studio, with the two takeaways." He waved over the bag. "Anyway, good luck. And take care. Thank you for coming."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun smiled and put on his earbud, pulling his mask over his nose and mouth. "Sure. Take care too, hyung."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The temperature outside has dropped a couple of degrees, and Sehun had to hold in a shiver. He checked his phone. Two new messages from Chanyeol. One new message from his manager. Five messages from a group chat. Two new messages from Seung Gi. A couple more messages that he would check on later. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's 11.30pm. Half an hour to go. His fingers tightened over the handle of the bag as he made his way towards the dorm. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Let's play this game next," Chanyeol grinned and as he waved another PlayStation game DVD box in front of him. Sehun threw the game console in front of the television. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Nah, I'm bored already," Sehun curled into himself as he hugged a cushion, making his skinny, lanky body smaller than it should. "I want to do something else."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chanyeol nodded, putting away the game. "Okay, what do you want to do?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There was a bit of stillness as Sehun gave it a thought. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"... I don't know." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He knew that Chanyeol had to leave soon, and that's why he came to spend time with the youngest. After their last group schedule about three days ago, Sehun hadn't left the dorm except for taking out the trash and went to the laundry service, and Chanyeol; sweet, <em> sweet </em> Chanyeol-hyung was getting worried. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Let's go out to eat something, my treat. Do you want toppoki? Or fish cake? Or ice-shaved?" Chanyeol grinned widely, rocking back and forth on his heels. Sehun smiled back; he really appreciated the effort, but he just wasn't in the mood. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He knew he had to do something but this just— wasn't it. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"No thanks, I'm not hungry yet."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chanyeol actually pouted. "Oh, come on! I'm hungry, let's eat with me today." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun rolled his eyes, before glancing at the clock. "You really forgot you have to leave for your language lesson soon, isn't it?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chanyeol jumped to his feet, horrified. "Oh no! I forgot! I completely forgot! How did I forget?? I'm—" he looked around frantically, trying to locate his things as he grabbed his wallet, phone and scooter key; dashing towards the door. "Sehun-ah, go eat with Suho-hyung today, but tomorrow you're eating dinner with me, ya hear?" Chanyeol didn't even wait for an answer, he just slipped on a pair of sandals and closed the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Junmyeon probably won't even come home tonight and he said that," Sehun grumbled, getting up to put away the game consoles and turned off the television. He padded his way to the kitchen and grabbed a can of beer and some snacks from the fridge, before gathering them up and making his way to the studio room. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he first decided to build it, he expected denial and refusion. They already had such limited space, and now he's taking more for his own, selfish use. But when he voiced out the request with low expectation, everyone immediately agreed and thought it’s a good idea— Chanyeol even volunteered to look for a contractor and Minseok asked for construction permission from the building management. Junmyeon didn’t even mind when the studio also took half the space of the bedroom they’re sharing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Honestly, Sehun would never trade this family for anyone else. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sighing, he leaned against the wall of the small studio, washing off his thirst with the beer. He stared at the darkness, willing all the noise in his head to drown. It’s warm inside the studio— too warm, in fact— and <em> suffocating and lonely </em>— but going out of the studio would force him to face a quiet and still house and that’s worse than being drenched in sweat in a warm, small room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His body felt heavy— heavier by the second. His heart sunken with the weight. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Too heavy. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun quickly reached for his phone, unlocking and scrolling to the name “Beloved Suho-hyung” and opened the message app.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Are you still shooting? </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He stared at the unread message for almost ten minutes before he received a reply.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What time will you finish?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m not sure. I still have a few shoots to film. Are you at home? Have you eaten? </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As expected of Junmyeon; worrying about other people while he himself was busy. He took every opportunity he was offered— never saying no and ended up with more on his plate. Even though Junmyeon did come back to the dorm every night no matter how late it was, he always left just after the dawn breaks; and Sehun hardly see him much less talk to him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m at home. I don’t have much appetite. Good luck, hyung. I'm cheering for you.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He sighed and put down the phone, scraping his nail against the harsh grits of the carpet. The feeling of emptiness closing in him and the darkness of the room felt like some kind of comfort and a trap at the same time. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Everyone is out and it’s so lonely, hyung.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next reply came later, and Sehun was almost half-asleep when the text alert chimed in.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m coming home. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Junmyeon arrived home within an hour and forty-three minutes later, his bangs were plastered over his forehead, sweating from the summer heat; his hands were loaded with plastic bags of takeaway food from various places that Sehun liked. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun just stared in shock as Junmyeon smiled widely. “What are those?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Food, what else? Come on, help me.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun just shook his head in dazed, stepped forward and took the plastic bags from Junmyeon's hands to the dining table, trying to be careful of some fragile containers. “Chickens, jajangmyeon, tonkatsu, donuts— this is what you want to eat, isn’t it— kimbap, pizza?? Junmyeonnie-hyung, everyone else won’t be back tonight, it’s just the two of us. We will never get to finish all of these!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, we’ll just eat them slowly. We can eat them while watching a movie.” Junmyeon peered into one of the supermarket's plastic bag and took out a pack. “Look, I even got popcorn for snacks.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun was bewildered. “We still have leftover popcorn in the fridge from when we watched the movie last time.” True, they had a get-together three days ago with all the members sitting in the living room and watching a horror movie. Of course, Jongin loved it so much— his laughter jump scared them more than the movie itself— but Junmyeon had spent the entire movie hiding his face into Sehun’s chest and even close his ears with both his palms, even to the point of ignoring Baekhyun’s teasing until Sehun had to shushed him to leave Junmyeon alone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, really? I didn’t know, I haven’t checked the fridge. It’s okay, we have extra, then.” Junmyeon said and put it away, looking around the kitchen before going to wash his hands and grabbed a couple of plates and utensils. His shoulders looked somewhat smaller, and people might not notice at first glance, but even his cheeks sunken a bit. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Some of these can be kept, we’ll heat them up tomorrow.” Sehun started separating the food, and when Junmyeon came back to the table, he nudged Junmyeon’s shoulder. “Go and take a shower, did you just come back from a marathon or what? You look like a mess.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Without hesitance, Junmyeon nodded. “Yeah, I keep thinking about you being alone at home and I can’t stand it. So I asked to leave early once the shooting is done and get all the food before coming home. Don’t worry, I don’t violate any traffic rules, you know me.” The additional bit was supposed to be a joke, but Sehun's chest tightened. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There’s a beat of silence as Sehun just watched Junmyeon set the plates on the table, rolling his sleeves up his arms and peeled off the cover from the kimbap, arranging them on the plate. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then, Junmyeon reached out and held his hand, thumb circling around his pulse gently. Sehun instinctively turned his own hand so he could press their palms together. Their eyes met, as if Junmyeon could read his thoughts. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be lonely anymore, Sehunnie. I’m here.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe it's the tender smile, or how dependable he was, or how he realized that Junmyeon's absence was the reason for the heaviness on his chest— <em> he couldn’t help it </em>— his hands were shaking. Sehun slowly stepped forward and wrapped his long arms around Junmyeon's waist, making sure Junmyeon's chin slotted perfectly over his shoulder— hugging him so tight as he wedged his face into the crook of Junmyeon's sweaty neck. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Like falling leaves, the mess in his head started crumbling away; his chest wasn’t so tangled up anymore, and there was some kind of ease at the knots of his muscles. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He felt— lighter.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon hummed in his sweet undertone, tenderly rubbing his back, rocking them both.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The sun was setting outside, and the brown tips at the edge of the maple leaves marked the first hint of autumn. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They ended up not being able to finish even half of the food; packing as much as they could into the fridge and left the rest on the dining table. After cleaning up the dishes, they made themselves comfortable on the couch; aircond blasting off, socks off, blanket wrapped in after Junmyeon went to shower— and watched two romantic comedy movies that Junmyeon loved because Sehun didn’t care about what to watch. They talked about random things all evening— about the movie, the shooting, the new music, the weather, the food, the dog Sehun saw a few days ago, the whereabouts of Junmyeon's sweater—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to go to the cinema?” Junmyeon asked, munching on a cracker. He handed one to Sehun, and Sehun caught it with his teeth. “I got free tickets from the producer earlier. We can go this Friday.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Sure, I want to,” Sehun muttered. “And is it okay for you to leave work like that earlier, you'll get scolded." Their foreheads were touching. There was something about being this comfortable and intimate with another person in a dark room with only the light from the television; everything looked soft and dreamlike— Junmyeon didn't brush his hair after the shower so it's sticking all over the place, but he looked soft in his grey, worn-out t-shirt, and at the moment Junmyeon was wholly his— and Sehun’s heart fluttered indefinitely.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter. Besides, I’ve done my part ahead of the schedule, even Yongmin agreed to let me go early.” Junmyeon shifted, slipping his knee between Sehun's thighs. Somehow, there's longing in those big eyes and Sehun wondered why. "You— You've always supported me and encouraged me whenever I feel down or feel like I wasn't good enough." Junmyeon always had a soft voice, but at night, sometimes they sounded like whispers of fleeting wind. "And whenever I feel tired, your words are the one that give me strength."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon reached up to tuck a stray hair behind Sehun’s ear, pulling at the earlobe fondly. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So I wish to be your strength too.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They didn't speak further after that, but there's no need for words after all. Sehun accepted those feelings with all his being.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next day, Sehun called Chanyeol to ask if he could join in the class. Chanyeol was ecstatic. Later, the both went out with some students from the class to a mini bar to welcome him. In the midst of laughter and hustle, Sehun heard someone drunkenly suggest that if they have so much pent up feelings, they should have written it down in words instead of holding them in, before said person proceeding to throw up in the toilet. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The words somehow stuck in Sehun's mind for the entire night. At the end, before going home, Sehun stopped by a bookstore and purchased a black leather notebook. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun slowly creeped into the room, trying to adjust his eyes in the dark. He tried to hold on to the wall, but his hands reached out at nothing. Puzzled; he took a small step forward. And another step. And then another step. His fingers finally managed to hold what he assumed is a doorknob, and excitedly took a big step towards it before he stubbed his toe on something heavy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Shit!” He lunged down to favor his abused toe, head spinning from the sudden pain.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Sehunnie?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The dark room suddenly turned bright, and a sleepy, squinting Junmyeon frowned at him from the bed. “What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Trying not to wake you up,” Sehun muttered, petting his feet and looked down at the offensive object that he happened to hit. “Can you at least not put your luggage in the middle of the bathroom door? What if I break my toe?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon frowned further, but more awake as he pushed off the blanket and crawled to the edge to look at Sehun. “Is it broken?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun sighed. “No,” he bent down to push the heavy luggage— still with loads of clothes— to the other side of the room. “But it might if this continues.” Sehun dropped his wallet and phone on the bed, stripped down from his day clothes and closed the bathroom door behind him as he cleaned up. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he was done and got out, Junmyeon had charged his phone and put away his things; wrapped himself in a blanket of cocoon. His hair was mused from sleep, eyes bleary from being suddenly awake from deep sleep, and Sehun didn’t have the heart to be mad anymore. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Come here, it's cold." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun quickly pulled on a long tracksuit and an old shirt while Junmyeon switched off the lights. Blindly, Sehun got under the cover and laid next to Junmyeon, face to face. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"You didn't tell me you're coming back tonight." Junmyeon whispered. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"We happened to wrap up early, so I thought I surprised you. But your luggage surprised me first," Sehun could hear Junmyeon's sleepy chuckle. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry about that, I was searching for something and I couldn't find it, I thought it was in the luggage," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun felt a hand rubbed his shoulder. After a while of adjusting his sight in the dark, he could see Junmyeon looking back at him. Then he felt a pair of legs slipped between his and Sehun instinctively rubbed some warmth into the cold shins with his feet. "Hmm, did you find it?" He should have reprimanded Junmyeon for not putting away the luggage, but he was too tired to argue. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"No," Junmyeon sighed. "It's the scarf, the brown, reversible one. Have you seen it?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I sent it to the dry-cleaning store the other day, they're supposed to send it back tomorrow along with the other clothes."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon retracted his hand from Sehun’s shoulder, but Sehun caught it and laced their fingers together, letting them rest between their heads. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"No wonder I couldn't find it," Junmyeon scooted closer until Sehun could feel his breath on their intertwined hands. "How is the filming?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"It's actually pretty fun, it can be a bit frustrating when the puzzle becomes too difficult and sometimes I get anxious on how to react. But the noona and hyungs are very kind and they’re so funny, I really enjoy it. Se Jeong is the youngest in the team but she carries herself well."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Sehun got the offer, it was nerve-wracking. He wasn’t close with either of the cast and had been nervous and kept thinking he wouldn’t be able to do the show properly; especially seeing it was a crime variety show. But when Junmyeon heard about the offer and found out who was in the cast line, he was the first person to jump and hug him, congratulating and begging Sehun to accept the offer. Junmyeon showered him with praises, even promised him that everything would be all right, and the veteran variety cast on the show would certainly guide and take care of him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon was absolutely right. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The fingers he was holding slightly tightened, but it was so brief Sehun thought it's just his mind playing tricks at three in the morning. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon hummed slightly before asking. "Remind me again who is that?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Kim Sejeong, you know her."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Ah, yes. I do. You like working with her?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, she’s smart too. And she called me ‘<em>hyung</em>’, hyung."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That brought out giggles from Junmyeon and Sehun had to smile at that. "How unfortunate. I'm sure once she gets to know you better, she will definitely call you '<em>oppa</em>'," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"As long as she's comfortable, it really doesn't matter to me." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"What a gentleman," Junmyeon replied in a low voice. Sehun yawned, trying to keep his eyes open for a few more minutes. "You’ve worked so hard, well done, Sehunnie. I'm happy for you. You got such a huge gig. I can't wait to see you on the screen once it comes out."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Why do you need to see me on screen when you have the real one right here?" Yes, he was sleepy, but it’s not like he couldn’t tease Junmyeon.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"That's not the point and you know that."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Of course, of course. I really thank you though for getting me through it. I was pretty hesitant, but you keep encouraging me and that's— everything to me."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They both could feel it. The comforting and gratifying feelings seeped into their beings. Sehun closed his eyes with the image of Junmyeon’s smile as the last thing he saw before going to sleep. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Basically, I blackmail you because I said I would be sad if you didn't take it," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, and I don't want you to be sad."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Can you get up?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun laid his hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder gently. The elder was lying on his torso, face buried in the pillow.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“No, just— go take a towel or something.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Feeling a bit worried, Sehun went to fetch a towel from the bathroom, running it under warm water. From the bathroom door, he watched as Junmyeon sighed sleepily, stark naked and glowing. Sehun had to swallow and counted to ten before willing his dirty thoughts away. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He came back to the bed, slowly putting the wet towel on Junmyeon’s back, and wiping it down to his buttocks and inside his thighs. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Roll over, I’ll help you clean up.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon rolled over, pushing back his fallen bangs from his forehead. Sehun continued to gently wipe Junmyeon’s chest, stomach and hips, all the way down his legs.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?” Junmyeon asked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun almost choked. How could <em>Junmyeon</em> <em>ask him that</em>? He's more than okay, actually. “I’m— I’m happy,” he replied. How could he not? </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Honestly, he wasn’t even sure how it started. It still felt unreal, how all these happened.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Earlier in the evening, they had gone out to an exclusive private bar, just the two of them, because Junmyeon needed to get out of the house and Sehun wanted some cocktails. They had been flirting all night. Even though Junmyeon didn’t drink, the atmosphere and privacy of a VIP room made him loosen up. They talked about mundane stuff (he didn’t even remember most of the things they said; except snippets of them— there’s topics about what kind of clothes they like best, how some pants fit Sehun’s long legs just right, and how Junmyeon’s skin sometimes seem glowing in white shirts) and Junmyeon had been running his hand up and down Sehun’s thigh; and when he laughed at something Sehun said, he literally clung to Sehun’s side and mouthed at the mole on Sehun’s neck. And Sehun was only a man; a man who had been in love for a while; and he couldn't help it when he tilted his head slightly to capture Junmyeon’s lips. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t the first time they kissed on the mouth, but it’s the first time the kiss was laced with pent-up desire, moans, tongues and roaming hands. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon had asked between the kisses— lips grazing and teasing, eyes half-lidded and clouded with lust— if Sehun wanted him, <em> wanted to fuck him</em>. And Sehun— hard and trembling at the unexpected— had replied with a whine and “want you, <em> need you</em>, <em> so bad</em>”; so Junmyeon gave him a sound kiss, immediately pulled him off the couch, paid the tabs in bills, and waved down a taxi. Sehun had followed in daze, not sure if what was happening is real and not just some imaginary, hopeful dreams. The tension in the taxi was indescribable until they reached the blissfully empty dorm, continued kissing at the doorway, pulling off each other’s clothes in haste, and fell into their bed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And they weren’t even drunk.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m just worried about you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon chuckled, sitting up and slid his hand up to Sehun’s arm, as if Sehun was the one who needed comforting in times like this. “I’m glad, I thought I scared you. And I’m fine. A bit sore, but it will go away.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun nodded, and after making sure both of them were clean enough, he discarded the towel into the laundry basket, picked up the tossed blanket and covered Junmyeon properly before lying next to him, a bit further near the edge.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing there? Come here, give me a cuddle.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun let out an amused huff, scooted as close as possible. He watched Junmyeon open his arms, and Sehun came forward and kissed him deep; butterflies in his stomach when Junmyeon smiled into the kiss. He tucked his head under Junmyeon’s chin, as Junmyeon ran a hand through his hair and another over his back. Maybe he really needed to be comforted. It’s overwhelming, being with the person you love.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t scare me, I’m just very happy.” He whispered into Junmyeon’s collarbone. There’s a purple bruise there, and Sehun gently traced it with his finger.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon hummed sleepily. “I’m happy too.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>Sehun came out of the room just when Kyungsoo toed his slippers at the doorway. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Hyung," Sehun beamed at him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kyungsoo smiled at him, pushing his glasses up his nose as he made his way to the kitchen and picked up the apron. Sehun followed him.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Junmyeon-hyung texted me he's going to come back early today, and since it has been a while since I had a day off, I thought why not we have dinner together?" Kyungsoo opened the fridge and examined the contents. "Where's Jongin?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun opened his phone and frowned when he realized he didn't get the same message as Kyungsoo. "Jongin is out with Moonkyu. Why didn't Junmyeon text me too?" His voice sounded annoyed, plopping himself at the stool near the small kitchen island. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Don't be mad. Maybe he thought you were out?" Kyungsoo sorted out the ingredients and started cooking. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Ah," Sehun suddenly remembered he did tell Junmyeon he's supposed to have a schedule that day— but it was shifted due to the bad weather and Junmyeon didn't know he's at home. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Can you help me make the soup?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Shrugging, Sehun stood up to help Kyungsoo. They were nearly done with making dinner and setting the table when the front door opened— and then there's the sound of someone taking off their shoes and Junmyeon appeared from the corner. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Sehunnie," he looked surprised when he saw the youngest, and Sehun could detect the slight nervousness in his tone. "I didn’t know you would be home."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, the schedule is postponed to the day after tomorrow because of the rain," Sehun waved his hand towards the window, just when the sound of thunder was heard, and rain started pouring down heavily. "Glad you could make it home before the downpour."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"— Yeah, me too." Junmyeon avoided looking at him as he went straight to Kyungsoo to try to take a peep at the pot. "What are you cooking?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Steamed chicken with bean sprouts, some soy sauce veggies and miso soup," Kyungsoo pointed at the table. "Go wait with Sehun, I'll bring the rice."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Okay," Junmyeon put his bag on the dining chair next to where he's sitting, and Sehun moved it away to the sofa before Kyungsoo started nagging. "Oh, and Sehunnie, why are you at home?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun turned, his eyes wide as he stared at Junmyeon's blank face. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"— My schedule is postponed because of the weather." He said carefully before sitting opposite the leader. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Ahh," Junmyeon nodded, glancing at the heavy rain behind the cloudy window. "Good call. You can't do anything in this weather anyway."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun kept staring. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kyungsoo came over with three bowls of rice. "Here," he placed one bowl in front of Junmyeon and attentively rubbed the back of Junmyeon's neck. "You look tired. Are you okay?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon smiled as usual. "Yeah, I'm fine. A bit hungry though, I didn't have time to eat earlier." It was subtle, but Sehun quickly caught the way Junmyeon's eyebrows quirk when he moved his head. And how his lips pursed when his eyes happened to catch the lights. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was subtle, but Sehun was quick to put two and two together. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Hyung, let's start eating before it gets cold. I'm hungry too! You know how I love your cooking!" Sehun reached to pull on Kyungsoo's arm, until the man let go of Junmyeon and went to sit beside Sehun. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, I understand. Here, you brat." Kyungsoo smiled affectionately as he moved most of the food in front of the youngest. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They had dinner together peacefully, Junmyeon not talking much but Kyungsoo spoke in a low voice so Sehun was somewhat thankful. And after that Kyungsoo and Sehun did the dishes with Junmyeon fidgeting at the kitchen island, trying to help but couldn't even stand still on his own feet as his body kept swaying. Once Kyungsoo left the dorm to go back downstairs, and Sehun finished drying his hands, he rummaged through the kitchen drawer and produced two tablets and a glass of water. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Take this," he instructed Junmyeon who just frowned at him, but obviously frowning also pained him as he immediately flinched. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Begrudgingly, he swallowed the pills with the water. Satisfied, Sehun grabbed his shoulders and guided him to the bedroom. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, I can walk by myself." Junmyeon sighed, shaking Sehun's hands off. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Go take a shower, but don't close the door."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon would have glared at him if he could do so. "Sure, why would I close the door while I shower," he said— sarcastically, making his way towards the bathroom without turning back. But Sehun was glad that he obligated because the door remained open as Junmyeon stripped slowly and took a quick shower. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Junmyeon came back with damp hair, a white shirt and shorts, smelling like fresh laundry and warmth; Sehun had turned on the bedside lamp and was sitting at the edge of the bed, waiting for him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Do you want a hug?" Sehun asked. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon just stared at him, holding his ground. "I'm fine."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun has expected this. Whenever Junmyeon feels sick, his defense mechanism goes up, and he would deny every comfort unlike his usual clingy self. Junmyeon would be quieter and preferred to be alone, trying to pretend he was okay. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But Sehun refused to give in. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Okay," Sehun nodded, aware of Junmyeon's stubbornness. He opened his arms. "But I need a hug. Do you want to deny me a hug?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon's face softened. He moved to where Sehun was sitting, standing in front of the youngest. Sehun reached out and pulled him into his lap by the waist, letting Junmyeon's body melted into his arms and let the elder nuzzle his face into the back of his neck. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun's hand carefully rubbed his back, from his neck, following the lines down his spine— feeling the tense on the small shoulders slowly eased away while his other hand steadily held Junmyeon in place. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Does your head still hurt?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"... A bit." Junmyeon's voice came out muffled. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun's fingers slide up into the strands of Junmyeon's hair, lightly applying pressures on the scalp. "Tell me if this hurts more."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"... It's not. It's— helping, a lot."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He continued his movement, feeling Junmyeon more and more relaxed as he trusted his entire body to Sehun. A few times, he heard Junmyeon trying to stifle his yawns and Sehun thought about how the medicine finally started to kick in. Sehun continued to hold him and kept comforting him, occasionally his fingers would find Junmyeon's temple and he would stroke the skin there in circles in hope the headache would go away. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After a while, Junmyeon's body became a dead weight, and when Sehun turned slightly, he realized Junmyeon had fallen asleep on his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Smiling fondly, he carefully stood, with Junmyeon wrapped around him, and Sehun laid him on the bed before joining and pulled the blanket over both of them. He still let Junmyeon use his shoulder as a pillow, not wanting to wake him up. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"You should tell me if you feel sick or hurt, it's not like I can read your mind." Sehun whispered, reaching over to turn off the side lamp. "I understand you don't want to worry anyone. But I want to worry about you, so you should just let me." He sighed softly. "Don't be in pain by yourself when you have people who love you to take care of you."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon stirred a little and Sehun quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek. Right, maybe he should have said this when Junmyeon was awake, but he knew Junmyeon would feel guilty about it and Sehun just— didn't want Junmyeon to feel like that. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I have so many things I want to talk to you about, but I guess we'll just talk tomorrow when you feel a bit better. Good night, Junmyeonnie-hyung."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Sehun-ah,”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His shoulder shook as he slowly woke up, frowning at the sudden pain that crossed his head. Sehun opened his eyes and briefly wondered how he's in a passenger's seat in an unfamiliar car and an unknown man holding his shoulder. It was dark outside the car, and the inside of his mouth tasted like something had died in it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Where am I?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The man scoffed, amused. “In front of your apartment. You gave me the address, remember?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun rubbed his throbbing temple, trying to put a name to the face in front of him. “Ah, it’s you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s me.” The man chuckled. Sehun slowly came about and sat up properly before shaking off the hand on his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Titling slightly, Sehun finally took a proper look at the man. The said man was wearing a black suit with the underneath shirt unbuttoned at the top. Sehun still couldn’t remember his name, but he was undeniably gorgeous. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now that his brain wasn’t so clouded anymore, he slowly recalled what happened. It was in a bar. In an expensive, exclusive bar, where he was hanging out with his friends; when the man approached him and offered to buy him a drink. Sehun had taken the offer and they had a pleasant time talking and drinking. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Let me help you walk to the door?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun looked around. He had given the man the address to the dorm, instead of his own home. “It’s fine, I can go by myself.” He unlocked the seatbelt, and pushed the door open, gripping the edge of the hood tightly when his legs swayed a bit. Damn, how many glasses did he drink?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The man ran out from the driver’s seat, face concerned as he bent to look at Sehun's condition. “Are you sure? I can help you get inside.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun shook his head. Big mistake. “It’s fine, it’s fine, thank you for sending me home.” At the same time, he made a promise to himself to strangle all his friends who let this man send him home. What if he got kidnapped? “You— You can go now. I’m fine. I have— a friend,” he pointed somewhere at the apartment building, walking straight to the entrance without looking back. Unfortunately, the man followed him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"A friend? You have a housemate?" Obviously, the man wasn’t buying it. “Then, I’ll just help you to the door until your ‘friend’ opens the door,” he smiled widely.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The thing was, Sehun couldn’t remember who was staying at the dorm that night. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Look—" Damn, he really couldn't recall the guy's name at all. "I'm not interested, okay? So I think you should just leave. It was fun talking and drinking with you though." Sehun tried to smile it off, and waved goodbye to the stranger, before the man grabbed his wrist.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The smile never left the man’s face. “Can we exchange numbers then? I mean, we can just meet to talk. You can tell me more about that <em> hyung </em> who keeps leading you on if you want.” Then he leaned close to Sehun's ear. "I can also make you forget about him for one night if you let me."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun really regretted every decision he made that led to what was happening tonight.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Before he could reply, the elevator suddenly opened, and he panicked a little. It would be a disaster if one of the neighbours saw them. He shook off the man’s hand while trying to turn away from the entrance, but a voice stopped him on his track.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Yahh, Sehunnie. What are you doing there?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun immediately froze and turned around slowly. Jongdae, grinning widely, waved his hand at the youngest. Beside him, Minseok was smiling, but there was a suspicious glint in his eyes as he glanced between Sehun and the man. Behind them, Junmyeon stood serious and unamused with a cap hiding most of his face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When the trio got nearer, the man finally let go of his wrist and straightened up his jacket, smiling politely. “Ah, you must be Sehun’s friends. I am just about to help him get home.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon glared at him, and Sehun instinctively avoided looking at him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, is that so?” Jongdae exclaimed cheerfully. But behind that smile, Sehun knew he was aware of what's happening. “How kind of you! I apologize for causing such inconvenience. Thank you for sending him home, mister…?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The man was about to introduce himself, but got cut off by Junmyeon’s piercing voice. “It’s late now. You must have been very busy yourself, so I think you better go. Thank you though, for sending our precious maknae home. We’ll take care of him from here.” Junmyeon stepped forward, flung by Jongdae and Minseok, and gave the stranger one of his gentle smiles. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The demeanour and air around that small body was intimidating despite his gentle smile; Sehun could see the man who at least stood one foot taller than Junmyeon, swallowed thickly and unconsciously took a step back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, it’s— not a problem— I have another appointment tonight— Goodbye, Sehun-ah.” The man nodded at him, took a quick glance at Junmyeon, before turning around and walked back to his car.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They all stood there until the car wasn’t in sight anymore.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So, urm,” Sehun cleared his throat, looking at his hyungs. “Where are you guys going?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“We’re going out to dinner,” Minseok replied kindly, reaching out to pat Sehun’s arm. “Do you want to come with us? My treat.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Ah, it's okay. I think I just want to go to sleep," Sehun retreated before any of them could persuade him. "See you later, hyung."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Minseok,"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They all stopped and turned to Junmyeon. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The leader was smiling. "I'm not hungry, after all. Why don't you two go ahead."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Minseok didn't say anything, just nodded in understanding. Jongdae was about to protest, looking back and forth between Sehun and Junmyeon, but Minseok just patted his back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Sure, we’ll eat together next time,” Then he went to hug Sehun, and Sehun hugged him back, almost begging him to not leave him alone with Junmyeon. But Minseok eventually let go and guided a worried Jongdae out to the street. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun didn't know what to say, so when Junmyeon followed him into the elevator, he could only hold his breath. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"How much did you drink?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In the elevator, Junmyeon's voice sounds echoey and Sehun didn't like it one bit. "Enough," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>From his peripheral vision, Sehun could see Junmyeon nodded at his reply. "Okay." Then he asked again. "How are you feeling?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Awful."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon nodded again. "Good."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He kind of deserved that. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They both got out of the elevator and walked into the empty dorm house, leaving their shoes at the entrance. Sehun peeled off his jacket and shirt, chucking off his pants into the laundry basket before walking into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The warm water washed away all the dreadful feelings and made him feel like a human again. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he was finally done, Sehun stepped out of the bathroom cautiously, wearing only a pajama bottom, and looked around the room. Honestly, he was expecting Junmyeon to be waiting in front of the door with a lecture. But instead, he was not even in the room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He found Junmyeon in the kitchen, making two mugs of hot chocolates. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Here," Junmyeon put one of them in front of Sehun on the kitchen island. He sat at the opposite side, as he blew out the heat from his own. "Drink it."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun stared at him. "You're not going to lecture me?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon put down his mug, sighing. "Sehunnie, do you really expect me to do that?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"... No," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Nodding, Junmyeon looked down at his hands holding the mug. "You're not a kid anymore. I— I'm aware of this since long ago. You're a grown man, Sehunnie." He said. "I'm always gonna be worried, even for a little bit. But I trust you and your heart, so I'm just going to do that." He smiled and gestured to the drink. "You should go to sleep early."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His head was fuzzy, but not from the alcohol. Sehun gripped the handle of the mug, trying to calm down his feelings. "I won't be able to fall asleep, anyway." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon looked at him, curious. "Why not— <em> oh </em>," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun leaned down and put his head over his folded arms. "Yes— <em> oh </em>," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"So that guy earlier— you really—?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun shot up, eyes wide and gobsmacked. God, why would he make Junmyeon think that he was about to fuck around with some stranger? "No! No! Shit, nothing like that, he was just someone I met at the bar— but I didn’t intend to— I don't even know his name," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Oh," Junmyeon blinked at him, surprised at his outburst. Sehun felt like hiding in a hole. He had embarrassed himself enough for today. "That's good. I thought I'm not enough for you anymore," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Running a hand down his face, Sehun groaned loudly until he heard Junmyeon softly chuckling at him. "Don't laugh, Junmyeon-hyung. You are— you're more than enough, so it was kind of your fault anyway. I mean, I did tell the guy that I'm single." He opened his eyes and glanced at Junmyeon's direction to judge his reaction. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The leader took a sharp breath, before looking back down to his drink and sipped it slowly. Sehun waited, and waited, and waited; and got disheartened. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Finish it," Junmyeon reminded him, as he got up and put down his mug into the dishwasher— walking into the bedroom without further prompting. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It suddenly became quiet in the dorm, and Sehun was glad of his clear head to hold himself together, and resisted the urge to run to catch up to the elder, turning him around by the shoulders, and demanded an answer right to his face. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It would be a mistake. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He finished the drink as well and put it in the dishwasher, before turning off the lights and walked into their bedroom. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Their bedroom. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe he should try to move out. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Sehunnie," Junmyeon, who was sitting with his legs stretched in front of him, called him out when he got into the bedroom. "Come here," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Warily, Sehun went to the side of the bed as instructed— and suddenly Junmyeon sat up, pulling him close by his pajama waistband. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Wait— Junmyeon—" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon's neck was red, even a darker shade of red than the pink sweater he was wearing. "You said you won't be able to sleep anyway," and he looked up to Sehun's face from under his dark lashes. "And you said that I am enough."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A sudden shiver went up his spine. How could— Junmyeon do this to him? </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun ran his shaking fingers in Junmyeon's hair, pushing back the bangs from the forehead. How pretty. Junmyeon on his knees, with messy hair and glassy eyes and pink cheeks. He was so very pretty; Sehun mused as he leaned down to give him a kiss. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Woah, what is this?" Jongin gawked at the scene— there's a new double bed in the empty room that used to be their manager's; a miserable looking Junmyeon holding a Dyson vacuum cleaner, a bored looking Sehun, and Baekhyun just standing at the corner; watching with amusement while sipping a soda with a silly straw. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Jongin-ah!!" Junmyeon threw the vacuum before Sehun managed to rescue it, and launched himself at the dancer, hugging him around the torso, sobbing into his shirt. "Sehunnie is being cruel to me, he kicked me out of our room!" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jongin spluttered in disbelief. "Wait, really?" His hands immediately wrapped around Junmyeon's shoulders, comforting him. He turned towards Sehun for confirmation. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I decided we should finally stop being roommates," Sehun shrugged nonchalantly, bent down to pick up the tossed vacuum. The empty room hasn't been used in a while and it was gathering dust. They were just about to clean it up when the new bed they ordered arrived earlier than expected. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yes, he and Junmyeon finally stop being roommates after Sehun put his foot down. Junmyeon protested at first, saying there's no point in separating their room and how troublesome to split their stuff, and even tried to distract Sehun with sex. But Sehun stood his ground, listing down all the valid reasons— like how messy the room was, and how their stuff was growing so much. At first, Junmyeon just stared at him with those sad, puppy eyes and Sehun wanted to grab his face and smother it with kisses. He shoved the urges aside, and just stared right back. In the end, Junmyeon had to oblige begrudgingly. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Truthfully, Sehun just didn't want to keep on building up his hope. The more hopeful you are, the higher the fall, they said. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe the space was exactly what they both needed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>For a moment, Jongin just stared at him in wonder. "But, why? I thought you and Junmyeon-hyung are—" Sehun noticed Jongin quickly caught Baekhyun's eyes, and Baekhyun shook his head in warning. "— I mean, you two have been roommates for ages, so why now?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun turned on the vacuum and started cleaning the room, while eyeing the pouty Junmyeon still clinging to Jongin. "Because we have been roommates for ages, that's why." He replied. "It's not fair to share a room when we have an empty one, right?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Well, looks like Junmyeon-hyung doesn't agree," Jongin said, patting Junmyeon's head, saying "there, there," and Sehun couldn't believe that Jongin; out of all people, didn't back him up with this. But then, no matter how close he was with Jongin, the latter still respected Junmyeon first and foremost. It's no wonder he would take Junmyeon's side, especially seeing how sad he looked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"It's because he's too lazy to clean the room and organize his stuff," Sehun finally finished cleaning the space, and looked around in satisfaction. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jongin pointedly ignored him. "It's okay, Junmyeon-hyung. Sehunnie is mean, isn't he. I'll help you with your stuff."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun snorted loudly as Sehun frowned. "Hey!" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In the end, both Jongin and Baekhyun helped Junmyeon to carry some of the stuff from the shared room to the new one; some clothes that they wasn't sure was Junmyeon or Sehun's, some beddings, skincare, his shoes collection, comic books and souvenirs. They finished right after sundown, and Jongin and Junmyeon went out to throw away the trash while Sehun and Baekhyun ordered pizza and turkey breast sandwiches. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"So," Baekhyun said, right after calling the delivery. "Care to tell what's going on?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know what you mean." Sehun was annoyed, was it so weird to want your own space?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, fine. But you know there's a reason that you have been roommates this whole time, right?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, and the reason is there was no free room."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun sighed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was already late. Jongin was snoring away in his bedroom and Baekhyun had gone back downstairs after having dinner. He usually was not an early-sleeper anyway— unlike Junmyeon who stood by the rule of “early to bed, early to rise”. The room was too quiet, and the bed suddenly felt too big. He tried to shove the lonely feelings away and focused on how comfortable it was to not have another body stealing the cover from him. He’s going to enjoy the freedom as much as he could.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s not like it was the first time he slept alone in the room, but his whole body thrummed nervously, and why does the room feel so cold?? It was not even winter. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun tossed away the cover in frustration and padded his way out to the dark hall. From the light coming from the door gap of Junmyeon's new room, he decided Junmyeon was still up, so Sehun slowly creeped to the door to see how he was doing. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know what he was expecting. Maybe a sad, sulky Junmyeon who was still angry about the new room arrangement? So that Sehun could go in, apologize and hold him? And then Junmyeon would finally realize his mistake and apologize as well, and they would kiss and make up?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>What happened was: Junmyeon was facetime, talking softly and laughing a little. When Sehun tried to see and listen better, he caught Yixing’s voice teasing Junmyeon about being alone in his big, new bed. Junmyeon whined back, asking Yixing to come to Seoul and accompany him in the said bed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His heart hurt. Sehun knew and aware that they were just teasing— but he couldn’t help but feeling hurt. He missed Junmyeon, and now he’s missing Yixing too. That’s not fair.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun went back to their room—<em> his room </em>— and wrapped himself in the blanket, trying to gather the lost warmth. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He's been tossing in the bed for an hour. Left side felt cold, and the right side didn't feel right. He kicked off the cover, suddenly feeling hot despite the air-cond turned up high. Then it was cold again. Tried sticking one leg into the cover. Comfortable— for five minutes. It all went wrong again. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His whole body was buzzing from anxiety. His sleep schedule was a mess— he could hardly sleep nowadays. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun finally sat up, scratching his head as he looked around. There was no way he's getting any sleep at this rate. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Picking up his hoodie and tracks, he dressed and grabbed his phone and key card, before walking out of the hotel room. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was quiet in the hallway, as he made his way towards the door at the end where a suite room was located, and knocked. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon appeared when the door opened, sweating with a tracksuit and a cap, his face flushed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun knitted his eyebrows. "You went to the gym already?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon stepped back to let Sehun enter and kicked the door closed. He went to the dresser and grabbed a face towel to wipe his face and neck. "Yeah, I had the same food as Baekhyun earlier at dinner and I already felt bloated." Then he glanced at Sehun, frowning a little at his seemingly always perfect body and face. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun shrugged. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I hate you," Junmyeon groaned and peeled off his clothes and dumped them to the floor without any thoughts. Sehun sat on the bed, leaning back on his palms, staring at the elder. "Why are you not asleep yet? We have an early flight in—" he tried to calculate the time, but he was tired, and he always said maths wasn't his strongest subject. "Whatever hours," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sleeping here tonight," Sehun declared, not even asking for a permission. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon was taken aback. "Oh, I didn’t expect you to come sleep with me tonight," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun pushed away the urge to roll his eyes. It wasn't his fault that he wanted to move out of the dorm room. If only— "Can't I?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They were probably not in a very good term at the moment, but Junmyeon was not about to kick him out. It's just not Junmyeon. "Sure you can. Go to sleep first, I'm going to shower." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It has been a hectic day. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Since dawn, they had been woken up from two hours of sleep after finishing rehearsal and vocal training at two in the morning. They were supposed to catch a four-hour flight and none of them were ready— thus an all-out-chaos issued when they ran around the dorm, searching for travel essentials, clean clothes, and phone chargers. Jongdae, however— <em>bless his soul</em>— managed to pass each of them vitamin drinks in the van as they completely missed their breakfast that day. They were out cold in the flight, trying to catch a wink of sleep before arriving at their destination. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When they arrived, they were whisked away to the venue immediately and they got ready and were briefed about the music, timing, position and stage conditions before they were let go to get ready with costume, makeup and microphones. Jongin got moodier as day went by and finally Junmyeon insisted they got their late lunch while getting their makeup. Only after the members had food, did the atmosphere become calmer and they were able to tolerate each other. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The concert was a huge success. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Wait," Sehun stood again when Junmyeon was only in his underwear, and strode to his side. Junmyeon looked up at him questioningly, and without warning, Sehun dipped his nose into Junmyeon's collarbone— as expected, Junmyeon was still his favorite smell, and unconsciously licked the skin. The sensation of a tongue made the elder jump a little as he shrunk away from Sehun. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Sehunnie," Junmyeon was glaring daggers at him, and Sehun almost suggested they got drunk just to see that glare turn heated. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's cute really, when Junmyeon could get all affectionate and flirty on the eyes of public— without any self-awareness— and even seduced the already enamoured Sehun (with consent), but when Sehun reciprocate with more intimacy, he got flustered and tried to keep away, suddenly aware of the smallest touch and even avoided looking at Sehun. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's cute— and frustrating. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Okay," Sehun backed away, and went to sit back on the bed obediently. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon appeared don't know what to do when Sehun retreated. He hesitated for a while before turning and locking himself in the bathroom to take a fifteen minutes shower. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In the meantime, Sehun arranged the pillows and laid on his usual side of the bed, waiting patiently. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Junmyeon came out, dressed in his sleep attire and damp hair, Sehun put away his phone and followed Junmyeon's movement with hawk eyes until the elder slowly slipped under the covers, and scooted closer until their arms were touching. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun almost sighs. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"What's wrong?" Junmyeon asked. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s harsh to say that Junmyeon could be a bit dense— especially when Sehun always thought he’s the smartest member.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Junmyeon," Sehun said, and he could see how Junmyeon stilled at the missing <em> hyung </em>. "Can you try not to run off whenever I try to make a move on you?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was late. They should sleep. They have a nine-am flight. Why is he doing this?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Why are you doing this now?” Junmyeon sounded defeated. He placed a hand on his forehead, pressing the heel of his palm over his eyes. Sehun grabbed his hand and when their eyes met, Sehun kind of regretted his decision.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kind of. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I have to, or else you would pretend nothing happened when we go back home.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon tried to roll away, but Sehun held him down by the wrist. He groaned in protest. “Why? What’s wrong with that?” Junmyeon muttered. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“We’re not in Seoul, the concert is done, you’re not a leader now— you’re Kim Junmyeon and I’m me. It’s just you and me now, in this bed.” Sehun punctuated the end of the sentence, gritting his teeth. “Don’t pretend like all the time we had sex for the last couple of months didn’t mean anything.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon’s cheek turned pink. “That was— it’s just— did you hate it? I thought you liked it, and that you were happy.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Junmyeon,” Sehun touched the elder’s chin, and gently bumped their foreheads together. “Of course I like it, because it’s <em> you</em>. I’m happy because it’s <em> you</em>.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon was about to say something, but decided against it, and clamped his mouth. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Junmyeon,”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He shook his head hard, and put his warm palm over Sehun’s face, stroking the cheekbone with his thumb. “Then, isn’t it enough? What do you want from me, Sehunnie?” He asked as if he was begging and confused himself. Sehun almost hated the sincerity behind those eyes. “If I could, I would give you everything.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was not funny, but Sehun felt like laughing out loud. Everything? If Junmyeon would give him everything, then he wouldn’t be in this situation. Junmyeon could promise him everything, except the one thing Sehun wanted. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He sighed and ran his hand from his head down to his face, peeking at Junmyeon from behind his fingers. That kind face was too much sometimes. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun pointed a finger to Junmyeon’s heart. “I only need this,” He said, determined. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There was a moment of shocked silence, before Junmyeon let out a soft laugh, which surprised Sehun. "Ah, my Sehunnie," he rolled up on his torso, looking down at Sehun with the softest gaze. Junmyeon withdrew his hand from Sehun's cheek, only to place it over Sehun's heart. "My heart is already yours; don't you know this? Why do you need to ask? It has been yours for a long time." He dipped a little, to kiss Sehun on the mouth. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun could feel the slight tremble in the kiss, out of nervousness, out of anxiousness. Sehun quickly held on to his shoulders, rubbing them soothingly. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Then, why do you keep running away every time I want to clarify our relationship?" He asked in wonder, breaking the kiss. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon hummed, tapping his finger over Sehun's chest. "Because I'm a coward," he muttered. "Because I don't want to ruin you. Because I want you to have your freedom. Because I want you to have everything without me holding you back." He sighed, then smiled shyly. “But at the same time, I’m also a selfish attention seeker who couldn’t stand not having you by my side.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ah, for all the times they had been together, how come Junmyeon could still be clueless? Almost every decision he made— almost all were because of Junmyeon’s support. Every decision he made wouldn’t be the same without Junmyeon as the bridge. Every change and temporary things in his life— the members has been his endless rock, and Junmyeon had been his perpetual feelings. Was he aware of that? </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun grabbed the hand on his chest. He’s also a very selfish person. “Can I call you mine from now on?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon swallowed. His hands were still trembling. Sehun held tight, reassuringly. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"What— if we do this, what will change?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His whisper almost broke Sehun's heart. Junmyeon looked anxious— borderline terrified, and that was the last thing Sehun wanted. Somehow, Sehun understood. Junmyeon would always be battling himself, in his own mind, in his own heart. Maybe, that's just a fact that would never change. But Sehun had always been more than willing to accept everything about Junmyeon, whole-heartedly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Nothing," Sehun replied, kissing Junmyeon's forehead. "We will still love each other, as always."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon looked up, eyes glassy. "You love me?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I do," there's not a single hesitation in Sehun's voice. He was sure of his feelings since long ago. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"And I'll be yours for as long as you want me."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon was staring at papers and the laptop screen for too long, that his eyes started to sting. He had forgone his contacts earlier today, preferring to use his glasses at such late hours. He just hoped there would be no surprise guest coming on the way, seeing as he was a mess and in his most hideous glasses. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The key lock suddenly chimed across the dorm, and Junmyeon froze, quizzically stared at the corner of entrance until a figure appeared. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Ah, Sehunnie." He heaved a sigh of relief. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Hi," the youngest member marched straight to where Junmyeon was sitting at the dining table, held the back of the chair and started leaning down. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon stopped him, turning away. "Don't kiss me, I haven't taken a shower since last night."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun frowned a bit, but still bent down at the waist, pulling Junmyeon's chin to give him a kiss near the mouth, long and soundly. "As if I care about that, but does that mean you haven't slept since last night? Have you at least eaten?" He asked worriedly, putting down the plastic bags of takeaway. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon eyed the plastic bags with interest. "I did have a sandwich this morning— I think that's it?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sighing loudly, Sehun turned and disappeared to the kitchen. Junmyeon, suddenly feeling famish at the sight of food, picked up the takeaway that he recognized from the small restaurant they usually frequented. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"This is for me, right?" Junmyeon asked excitedly, already peeling off the lids. Sehun came back with utensils and put them in Junmyeon's hand, before cracking open two cans of sodas. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Somehow, I know you will be busy with work that you forgot to eat," Sehun sat next to him, staring fondly at him. "So I thought why not come surprise you with dinner," </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, you’re the best,” Junmyeon grinned and wrapped one arm around Sehun’s shoulders, as the younger snorted bemusedly and blushed prettily— It had been a few days since he last contacted Sehun, and he missed him dearly. Sehun hide his new colored hair under a blue cap, and he was wearing a familiar white fleece jacket. He looked good and god, Junmyeon missed him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You’ve work hard,” Sehun stated, his hand came up to rest along the back of Junmyeon's chair. “Eat up. Are you still working tonight? Or do you want me to stay over?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon shoved a gyoza into his mouth. And waited until he chewed and swallowed before answering. “I will never stop working, but I miss you so please stay over. It’s lonely here alone even though all I do is work.” It was true. He had been working non-stop for days, and been going to meet the producers and arrangers of his album since the debut date was just sixteen days away, but it was a lonelier journey than he thought compared to doing group activities. He wondered how Yixing, Baekhyun and Jongdae did it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Especially Yixing; Junmyeon would definitely call him later.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun played with the collar of Junmyeon's sweater, eye lidded as he kissed the back of his neck. "I miss you too," he muttered, and Junmyeon realized it wasn't hard for him alone. "You will do great, trust me."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I know," Junmyeon nodded confidently, and Sehun snorted loudly, shaking his head. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun took out his own food as well. After finishing everything, they sorted the rubbish and threw them away, before Sehun stayed in the kitchen to clean up and make something to drink. Junmyeon went to the hall, decided to take a break from his work for the night, and lounged around on the sofa; stretching and ignoring the way his sweater rides up to show his tummy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun came back with two hot chocolates; ahh, some things would never change. In this case, it's their mutual love for hot chocolates and late night conversations. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He sat up properly and took the offered mug, sighing blissfully at the delicious smell. “I have the completed album here,” Junmyeon waved around his phone, beaming proudly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun's concealed excitement was showing on his face as he held in a grin with crescent moon eyes. “Will you let me hear it or are you making me wait like the rest?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been waiting for you to ask that,” Junmyeon patted the space next to him. Sehun settled beside him comfortably, picking up the airpod and put down his mug on the coffee table. Junmyeon softly leaned his head on Sehun’s shoulder and scrolled over the screen. “I’ve arranged it according to the story that I want to tell in the album, so let me know what you think.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A smile grazed Sehun’s face as he pressed his cheek against Junmyeon’s messy hair, an arm slung around Junmyeon's shoulder to pull him closer. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I love you, you know." Sehun whispered, nuzzling his face softly against Junmyeon's hair. "I love you so much and I know you will do great. The fans will go crazy over you and your album."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon had never felt more loved. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I hope so," he said in nervous excitement. "I poured all my hard work into this album, I hope they will like it." And then he looked up, smiling when their eyes met. "I love you too, so much, <em>nae sarang</em>."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When their lips met, it was long and overdue. Junmyeon was glad Sehun decided to stop by; he really needed the reasurance that Sehun— <em>his color</em>, his everything, was still here with him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I'm ready for the spoiler," Sehun said teasingly after they broke the kiss. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Junmyeon laughed easily, as he tapped the phone's screen twice. "More like a lover's privilege."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sehun hummed in agreement, just as a soothing melody started playing, and a familiar voice echoed through the speaker. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Lover's privilege, huh."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I like that."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>For every patience and love you've shown, </em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>I thank you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Forever. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>- end -</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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